Suck It Up

Have you ever been at the point in your life where you want something so badly, and you know that it is up to you, and only you, to get this specific "something" done? Nobody else can do it but you. Nobody can make you do it, you need to find the willpower and stick-to-it-ness inside yourself, and just get it done. I am at that point right now. I have a major, major goal that I want and need to accomplish. It's a pretty major thing that needs to be taken care of, too. I know that I can only do this myself... nobody can tell me that I have to do it, and nobody can make me do it, either. I'm the only living being that I can count on to get this taken care of, and what I'll get out of it is the amount of effort I put in to it. For the last couple years, I have started and stopped, done really well and then just put no effort forth what-so-ever. I'm kind of like a roller-coaster train wreck. If I don't see exactly what I want to see happening, I'm done. I get frustrated, overwhelmed, and mad... then I give up. I need to change those behaviors because everything is riding on me, on my head. I'm the only party responsible for my actions, and whether I get done what I need to do. So, it is basically time for me to suck it up, realize I am in this for the long haul, set small goals, accomplish them, and reach my biggest goal. It will be amazing when it finally comes. But, I cannot give up and throw in the towel. When I get frustrated, I can't just crash and burn.. I've got to pick up where I left myself, and just keep going. Cuz if I quit, there will be nobody who can make me change my ways, and force me to do this. It's kind of scary realizing that I cannot rely on anyone else to help me get this done (here in the physical world.. like, I cannot have someone in my face yelling at me telling me what I need to do), and that I have myself (the person who has given up so.many.times.) to rely on to accomplish this goal. When I suck it up and just do this, I am also proving that I believe that God is going to carry me through everything. Because He is seriously the only One, besides my willpower-less self, who can get me where I need to be. Your prayers will also greatly help, too, and will be greatly, greatly appreciated!