Sunday, March 15, 2009

Happily Ever After Fireproof

we watched it last night. it was a-ma-zing! and, it really hit home. i've been on a big "i need to be a better Christian, a better example for Christ, and many, many other things" lately. i became a Christian when i was 5. i was watching jimmy swaggert with my mom and dad, and the tears just started streaming down my face. i told my dad (who also happens to be a pastor) that i wanted to ask God to come in to my heart. at 5 years old, i didn't know about devotions, seriously praying, and everything else that entails being a true follower of Christ. as i have gotten older, i often think that i am doing a "good job" at being "the kind of Christian people want to be", and get slapped in the face with the reality that i'm actually quite wrong in that viewpoint. then i wonder why we have financial difficulties, why my husband and i fight, why i don't seem happy with anything, ever. if i actually walked the walk instead of just talking the talk, things would change.

my husband and i have been together for almost 10 years. like every relationship, things started out wonderfully. that "honeymoon" period where you can't get enough of each other... that lasted for about 5 years. then, i graduated from college, moved down to virginia (10 hours away from my family then, and the first big move i made alone), started my teaching position, and was with him 24/7. we got married, things started off really rocky, got better, and then plummeted and got even worse. after 6 months of marriage, i moved out of the house for 3 days, and thought it was over. guess who wasn't the center of my marriage then? and after 4 years, 3 moves, 2 dogs, a kid, financial difficulties, buying our first house, surgeries, cancer in both of our parents (his mom, my dad), and many other ups and downs, guess who still isn't the center of our marriage? we try, but do we try whole heartedly? nope! God is definitely part of our marriage, because if He wasn't things would have been over a long time ago. however, He is far from being in the position He rightly deserves in either of our lives or in our marriage. through everything, i have learned that marriage is far from an easy ride. far, far, far from an easy ride. there are times when i've wondered what i was thinking when i said "i do" to this man. there are times when i've stepped back and really thought about what an ugly, hateful person i was being, and wondered how on earth he could stand to tell people i am his wife. however, we have never once stopped loving each other. no matter how badly we couldn't stand the other person, the love never went away. i would rather go through a million valleys than to go through the rest of my life without my husband. i have realized what a blessing i have in him, and that i really need to start appreciating everything that we have together. i've also started thinking about these kinds of things.... when i raise my voice to my husband or daughter, i think "if this was God standing before me, is this how i would want to speak to Him?". or, in my actions, i ask myself, "would i want God to see/hear me doing/saying this?" it is so easy to lose focus on the One who should constantly remain in the first and most important place in our lives. but, we really need to strive to make that change, and put Him first ALWAYS. i have been praying hard lately that i start really, truly talking the talk and walking the walk.

the movie puts things in a whole new perspective, and really guides and shows that God needs to be the most important person in your life and your marriage. and when He is, everything else, no matter how hard things get, will fall in to place. when He isn't number one, satan creeps in and takes over, and that leads to a destruction you can't even fathom. i have challenged myself to really pray, and ask God to show me where i need to be to make Him the focal point of my life and marriage; for Him to use me to pour out His love for my husband; for me to be slow to anger, and quick to love. divorce isn't an option, and the word will never be uttered from either of our mouths. we're in it 'til the end... through the good times, and the bad, through sickness, and in health, through the thick and the thin.


Erica said...

Great post! I think we've been through 100's of valleys in our 10 years, but yes we still love each other through it all! I think about how I try to act more 'perfect' in front of certain people or in certain places, but yet God can see all we do! I would love for HIM to be at the center of our marriage, I pray one day that we get there! Thank you for sharing!