Sunday, October 18, 2009


it was a hard weekend. my parents and brother came down from PA on thursday for a visit. they left today. i'm very, very close with my mom, and we like to do a lot of things together. every once in a while when they come here and leave, or we go there and leave, i get extremely emotional. it is so stinking hard having them so far away. a 5-6 hour drive doesn't seem like it would be so bad, it is hard to do it on a regular weekend. we usually even end up getting up to PA almost every single month, but it doesn't seem like enough. i also really love, love, love the town where my parents live, and would love ot live there. i have some other circumstances here that make the distance even more difficult. the circumstances down here that make me even more homesick are the fact that i can't find a church to really settle in to, i can't really stand any of the girls that i work with because they all stab people in the back so badly, i am not too fond of the town and how it is set up and that is is SO FAR away from everything, and i don't have any real friends down here. soo.... now it is obvious as to why i really struggle with living here, and with my parents being so far away.

when we moved down here, it was basically an agreement between us that we were not planning on staying here for the rest of our lives. however, we haven't had the money to move, and we made some silly decisions by moving out of our apartment and in to a crazy woman's house, which in turn encouraged us to buy a house. so now we are basically stuck until we can sell our house. so i am hoping that we will eventually get to move closer to our families.

one thing that really encouraged me today was talking to one of my friends, becky, from college. she knows that i am having a rough time, and gave me a new, amazing perspective of our situation. she told me that God really knows my heart, and knows that i will not be happy living this far away from our families for the rest of my life. she also agrees that given my circumstances that i mentioned above that it would basically be impossible to be happy and content living here. she also said that maybe it is God's purpose to not let me get too attached to anyone or anything down here because when we do move, then it won't be difficult for me to pick our things up and just go. which is soooo true. it won't affect me in the least to pick up, and get the heck out of here. i could find out tomorrow that we are moving, and i wouldn't shed a tear. this point of view has really comforted me, and has really made me think about our situation. i can see that as being a totally legit explanation because i have never been totally 100% truly happy here. i'm the type of person that needs my family around, and needs to be around people that love and care for me. that isn't the situation here, and it's very trying. so now i have a new focus, and i am trusting the Lord to lead us in the direction He wants us to go in within the next couple of years. the possibilities are exciting, and it will be fun to see what road He decides to lead us down. keeping a positive attitude during the holidays is going to be hard because that is my most favorite time to be where my parents live, but i know something better is in store for us down the road. i just have to be patient, and trust Him.


Erica said...

That's really interesting what your friend said.It wasn't what I was expecting. Hang in there something will get better whether it be by your moving or feeling more at home there.
I just went off on an answer in the Lord's Table about not having a church home. We have a few we visit, but are not really apart of. I really need to me more dedicated to changing this and asking God to lead us to the right one.
I've had a crazy week, but am back to normal crazy now, so email me at if you want =)

Grace said...

I so completely understand your homesickness. My parents live an eight hour drive away, and we've lived as far away as 14 hours when we lived in Alabama. The one year we actually had a ministry less than two hours away from "home" was a dream come true for Mom and me...but it wasn't meant to be. The stop we made at that church for that year was simply an avenue to get us to where we are now. God knew we'd never leave the church we were at in Alabama to come to this one. Yet, He knew that we'd leave the church in Alabama to go to the church so close to my parents. He also knew that it would be a crazy hard year for us and things would not work out for us and therefore we'd start looking for another place that would lead us where we were really needed. He was there the entire way. He held onto me and gave me joy when I didn't think I could find anymore.

I'm appalled at what your friend told you. I don't now, never have, and never will believe that God wants you to be unhappy at anytime. I understand the human feeling of not wanting to get attached to anyone and then have to leave. I've moved around 10 times from city to city in the time that I've been married to a pastor. It's not easy. It can leaves scars on our hearts, but so can a period of your life when you have no girlfriends to speak of near you. I've gone through many of those times in my life where I didn't want to get close to anyone because I knew we'd probably just leave them. But having a friend and then leaving them behind is truly better than not having any at all.

I know you want to be near your family...BUT for now you have landed where you are for some reason. Maybe it is simply because it's the path you had to take to get back home around your family eventually. But it may also be that you are meant to be there for something. I'm so sorry you're hurting right now and so wish I could wrap my arms around you and let you cry as hard as you need to. Remember that you are loved and you are prayed for by a friend in Ohio.

Grace said...

Why do I always write a book on your blog? ;) Sorry!