Goodbye

I am writing this post with a sad, heavy heart. My Gram has been in the hospital for the last couple weeks. She went in because she was having chest pain and difficulty breathing. They told her she'd need a valve replacement, and a couple other procedures done to hear heart. The doctors said she had had rheumatic fever when she was younger, and it caused one of her valves to become thin and weak over time. I guess with her old age, the weak valve finally caught up with her. She also found out that she had some buildup in her arteries, and they were going to clean those out... basically it would have been almost like open-heart surgery. For an 80 year old, I don't know how well she would have fared after sustaining such a huge blow to her body. Well, her body decided to take a different route, and her ammonia levels started to rise. She became basically unconscious, and was pretty unresponsive for a couple of days. We were told that she probably wasn't going to make it, and to be prepared for her to pass away. Then, they got the ammonia levels under control. She finally was awake and coherent, and was able to talk to everyone. She began physical therapy this past week, and seemed to be making progress; although it made her extremely tired. Then at the end of this week, things started to take a turn for the worse yet again. My one aunt called my dad because my Gram was saying that she was ready to go, and that she didn't want to live anymore. My parents made the trip from Lancaster to Pittsburgh to see her. She seemed fine; she was talking, was awake and lucid, and even wanted to talk to myself and my little munchkin yesterday. Her desire was to hear my baby girl sing to her. She sounded weak, but still sounded like my Gram. To me, there was still a glimmer of hope that she would recoup, and would get to go home.

I guess her desire to talk to everyone yesterday was her final goodbye. My dad called this morning, and said that Gram is in her final stages of life. Last night, the ammonia levels shot back up, she's unconscious again, and the doctor's said that it would take hooking her back up to machines for the rest of her life to keep her alive. The one doctor told my aunt that it would be best to just let her go. The ammonia levels will just continue to build up, and it will eventually cause her brain and body to shut down. So, now, we're basically just waiting for the Lord to take her home with Him.

It breaks my heart knowing that I won't get to see her again. I won't see her smile anymore, and my baby girl won't get to know her as well as I wanted her to. We won't get to see her this summer how we planned. We were supposed to go out to her house for Christmas, but our car needed fixed, and we couldn't afford the gas, tolls, and boarding for our dog. I am going to miss her so much, and going to her funeral will be devastating. I do find comfort, though, in knowing she will get to see my Pap again (he passed away 12 years ago this April 23). She has wanted to be with him since the day he died, and that has been something she's talked about often. I'm going to miss her sugar cookies, her pot pie, her sparkling blue eyes, her smile, the way she had to wear make-up to bed, and the way she always tried to make everyone happy. My Gram is an amazing woman, and she will greatly missed.

Please say a prayer for our family... for traveling safety (there will be family coming from many different states), and for us to feel God's presence and peace during this difficult time. Thank you.

Old McDonald

For some reason, it is my dream to have a small farm. Here is what I would want my farm to look like, and the animals that would be on my farm. I want an awesome, old farmhouse with a white, picket fence around the entire property.











A big, red, clean barn













A few Holstein cows (like 5 or so)




















Some sheep

4 or 5 horses .. one definitely being all black with a white star on its forehead (like the first one in the picture on the left hand side). It's "official" name would be "My Shining Star in the Midnight Sky", and I would call him "Star" for short.

Some chickens so we could have our own eggs

Alpacas (they are so cute)

And a bunch of long haired cats... multi-colored, black, gray, white.

It'll never happen. But, a girl can dream, can't she? Eventually I do want a horse, though... probably many years down the road.

ExCiTeD!

I have been wanting a new table for a long time. When we got married, my Gram gave us her cheap, old table, and that worked for a while. That is until my husband began splitting the chairs in half because they were cheaply made, and were just pieces of wood glued together. Therefore, we haven't had a table for a really, really long time. I've missed sitting at a table to eat dinner, and have hated eating in front of the TV. Especially now that we have a little kiddo, and we want to teach her table manners. Plus, the family time is just amazing.

Well, my mother-in-law offered to let part of our Christmas present for 2009 and 2010, and our birthday presents be money to put down on a new, good table. Then, we would be responsible for the rest of what the table cost. So, I went to an Amish store in town, and fell in love with a gorgeous table and chairs. The dilemma: the table alone was $850, and then the chairs were another $250 a piece. The table is gorgeous, but $1800 is a lot of money for a table and chairs, and that is without tax! We were bound and determined to figure out how to get that table and chairs, though.

Fast forward to today. The girl I work with loves to go to stores and just look around. She's very much like me, and stores with antiques/country items are her favorite. There is a store about 20 minutes away that I've been dying to go to for a while, but my husband is NOT the shopping/perusing kinda guy. So, we decided to check out this store to see what it had inside. Both of us immediately fell in love with that country store smell, and decor. (That is one of my favorite things about Amish country where my parents live... the country themed stores!) While walking around, I found the table in the picture above. I saw a tag sticking off of it, and I was afraid to look. When I did look, I was so insanely excited I couldn't stand myself. It is a solid oak set (those are seriously some of the HEAVIEST chairs I've lifted in my life), and it is gorgeous!!!! Plus, it has the carved pedastol base the one had at the Amish store, too. The best part ... the table AND chairs (yes, all 5 pieces) cost the exact same price as just the table at the Amish store. And, this is solid wood (guaranteed, plus you can just tell by looking at it and lifting it), it's gorgeous, and you can just tell it's heavy duty. We've already laid claims on this sucker, and I cannot wait to get it home. I was thinking that we wouldn't be able to eat at the table until at least August... but, this beauty is coming home with us in as little as two weeks! AHHHHHHH :o)

Official{ness}

i have been totally kicking it in the gym for the last 3 1/2 weeks or so. i have lifted lots of weights, have kicked it on the elliptical and treadmill, and even did a class. i've eaten healthy, have had a ton of water to drink, and have noticed a really big difference in myself. then, last week comes barreling in. i was PMS-y, crampy, craving junk food at an all-time high, bloated, and feeling just plain cruddy. not to mention my child had her little "episode", and that landed us in the doctor's office for a while. soo.... amidst my woman-ness {ugh}, and child concerns, i have been slack in eating right, drinking water, and going to the YMCA. however, i have not enjoyed one single second of the junk food, not watching what i eat, and not working out. this week was hideous. i feel different, i'm thinking differently, i just don't like the changes. that is why i am officially declaring myself as a health and workout nut. i miss it like crazy, and i hate how i feel. therefore, i will never again let my womanhood or anything else get in the way of me being healthy and reaching my goals. it's not worth it, and frankly, it wasn't even enjoyable.

I'm Freaking OUT Calm as a Cucumber

Our girl had an episode yesterday. She couldn't stand. Her legs were shaking. She was kinda not-with-it, and her eyes kept rolling like she was really tired. When she finally could walk she had to hang on to something to keep her balance. We thought she was just extra tired or something. But I finally was able to take her to the doctor, and they think she had a seizure. She is scheduled for an asleep and an awake EEG on April 2 so they see if it was a seizure; and if it was, if it did any damage. I asked for prayer on Facebook, and have had several people at work ask me how she is doing. Someone today asked me how I can be so calm when the pediatrician thinks my daughter had a seizure. My immediate, automatic response was, "She's in God's hands. I know He is keeping her safe, He knows what is going on, and knows how the situation is going to be handled. I'm not worried at all because I know He is in total control" They looked at me in awe. But, seriously, my trust is in Him. I put her life in His hands. He created her. He knew this was going to happen. I'm just blessed that He gave me the gift of being her Mom. I have no physical control over this situation, so why worry about it? And, I can rest assured that however this whole situation ends, it was in His plans. Do I think it is anything major? No, I do not. Do I pray that it isn't? Yes, I do. But, do I have an ounce of control or say? Nope. She's in the best hands she can possibly be in, and I find so much comfort in that.

|love| me a letter

Dear YMCA,

I apologize for abandoning you this week. We have had a really good thing going... actually, a really great thing going. You are making me stronger, giving me more confidence, and making every area of my body shrink. I really like you. A lot. I think it is bordering on an obsession. But, we won't tell my husband, ok? It'll be our little secret. I promise to come back to you next week. I miss you... like crazy. When I come back, please don't be too hard on me, and don't make me ache. I guess I would kinda deserve that for being a bad YMCA lover this week. But, it won't happen again. I swear.

See you soon

love
me

Love {that happens to come from goats}

Do you see the first icon on my sidebar over there on the right? -------->
Seriously... if you haven't tried goat milk soap, you are sooooo missing out! Click that little icon, and it'll take you to their site... Or, just let me tell you why it's wonderful:

*It is all natural
*It smells a.ma.zing.
*It makes your skin sooooo soft
*You are supporting a single family instead of a big business
*It's so much better for your skin than commercial soap
*Cute little goats help make the product (it contains real goat's milk) (well, and their 8 cute kids, too... like real, human kids... not goat kids)
*Once again it smellsssssss soooooooo goooooooddddd
*There are 30 different scents to choose from
*They also have lotion sticks, which are also amazing
*They have soap filled luffas to get off your dry skin
*They have gift packs of soap so you can get 3 smaller size bars in a bag
*Each bar of soap comes in a muslin bag... and let me tell you, all those bags have been used for matchbox cars, crayons, hair "pretties", marbles, rocks, sticks... you name it, it's probably been put in a bag after mommy opens a new bar

I seriously LOVE this stuff (if you couldn't tell). I look forward to using all of my soap (by the way, another added bonus... I bought 7 bars last May (and gave 2 away to a friend), and I just had to order new soap. That is 5 bars of soap in a 9 month period of time). My husband was even making fun of me when I found out I had gotten my last bar out of the linen closet because I started (a month and a half in advance) planning what scents I was going to buy. It came today, and I am getting ready (after I hit "publish post") to go out and sniff them for the fourth time since I opened the box!!! You won't regret getting this stuff... it's amazingly wonderful.


***Disclaimer*** I was not asked to write this post by anyone.... it's seriously just how much I love this soap, and how much of a difference it makes in my skin.

Bolsday {Birthday} Weekend Review

Saturday was our girl's third birthday (can you say major tear). The last three years have gone by entirely too quickly. I need to find the rewind button that is hidden somewhere so I can make these days last just a little bit longer. I know it's out there... I just have to find it.. okay, or maybe it's just wishful thinking. But still. We had a fantastical weekend with our families... annnnddddd what way do you think I will use tell you all about our weekend? {Don't say a list because I so do.not. love, adore, need lists} Okay, maybe it is a list after all. Here we go:

*We made the trip up in 4 hours and 45 mins (that's like a record)
* On the way up we had delicioso Starbucks
* We had a wonderful visit/celebration with my in-laws
* My MIL's 50lb (she's 4 mos old) Lab decided that my head was her favorite place to sit {no kidding}
* She also decided that my hair was her favorite snack... lucky me {fortunately for her, she's uber cute and sweet... so I didn't mind so much}
* They got the munch an adorable cupcake cake of Elmo's head
* The child used the red icing from the cake for lipstick...
* The "lipstick" went from her hair down to her toes... literally
* But, she had fun, and that's all that matters
* We got to sleep in Saturday morning {pathetic when 8:00 is considered "sleeping in"}
* We had a fun day with my mom, dad, and brother
* The girls went to the Disney store and scored some pretty cool stuff (and a lot of it) for only $32
* The munch also got some cute new Stride Rite kicks for the spring/summer
* We had Olive Garden take-out for dinner {can you say YUMMMM}
* At my parent's we had a red Tinkerbell cake {requested by the princessa herself}, and she didn't make such a mess out of that one
* We got to go to church (with my two jobs, right now we don't make it there much, unfortunately... hopefully soon)
* Sunday morning, while the hubs was in the shower and the kid was next to me in bed, she snuck out while I was in my not-quite-awake-but-not-asleep groggy mode... after she snuck out she exclaimed, "Oh, mama... my lips are so dry. I need fish stick, and I finded a big fish stick" As I looked over to find out what this "big fish stick" was... I learned that her interpretation of a big fish stick just happens to be... her uncle's Old Spice Deodorant... that she figured out how to get the cap off of... and proceeded to wipe it all.over.her.face.
* We visited with my FIL (who does not live with my MIL) before we headed home. It's nice to see that he actually wants to make up for his mistakes and have a relationship with his son and granddaughter. Even though he won't come out and fully admit it, I think my husband agrees.
* We got home around 9 (we were over an hour away from our destination Friday morning, and stopped at the grocery store on the way home and made it home in exactly 6 hours... once again not bad!)
* I think I had one of the best night's sleep in a long, long time... it was great!

Now, I just have to wait for another month, and we get to go back north again *yay*
*